When I was just four years old, my dad had to get full custody of me because my mom was strung out on crack/cocaine. She would tell me every time she saw me that she hated me and couldn’t stand me and that I looked and acted too much like my dad. I was too young to understand what was going on. She had already given up her oldest daughter and then my brother she treated terribly also. She threw him from a two story balcony. My dad saved his life and he was just an infant.
Anyways, time passed by to the age of 7 where I started staying with my grandma (my mom’s parents), well one morning I was woken up by my uncle inside of me, meaning he penetrated me. So scared I didn’t know what to do except tell him to stop but he wouldn’t. He would whisper in my ear that it was ok. I personally felt that it wasn’t ok, I felt like it was completely wrong and I’ve not ever had anything like that happen to me. My eyes started to fill up with tears and as the tears rolled he would slightly whisper, shh… you have to be quiet and not be too loud or I’ll get into trouble and you will not ever see me again, do you want me to go away.
Me being so scared and shook my head no. Well, he finally stopped after 30 mins. Throughout that same morning, I was going to the bathroom to just cry my eyes out then I walked by the other bedroom, I see my other uncle literally raping my younger sister who was just 5 years old at the time and he held her mouth closed. Just wanting to hurt him but I was too little to do anything. We weren’t allowed to go in grandma and grandpa’s room for any reason at all so I continued on to the bathroom and just sat and cried and cried.
I finally soaked it up and made my way back to where I was sleeping and laid down. Well, my uncle left and I went back to sleep. when the sun started poking through the curtain, my eyes popped open and it was the day that my dad came to get me well I stayed with my dad for a few hours and played with my cousins and my dad took us to the park, wanting to tell my dad but I was so scared and didn’t know how to say what happened. After we left the park my dad took me to my mom’s to spend the night with her, when I got there my mom’s friends were there. She said the kids were in the bedroom playing so I took off running to the bedroom and when I got there and opened the door there were at least 5 of us in there. Well before I could close the door my mom literally pushed me into the bedroom.
When I turned around she looked me dead in my eyes and said, I hate you, you little bitch, and slammed the door shut and locked it from the outside. We were in there for about an hour and I had to pee so I yelled for mom and she said for me to shut up, I yelled back telling her I had to pee. About 5 mins later she unlocks the door and grabs me by the wrist and jerks me through the trailer until I was standing in front of some guy that was probably about late 30s early 40s. He looked at my mom and asked if she was sure and she said yes so when I turned back to the guy he was digging into his wallet to get money and no sooner he put it in my mom’s hands I heard the door just open to see my dad standing there.
My dad was a police officer but he grabbed me by the arm and I said to get my shoes so he walked me back there to get my shoes and told my sister that if he could he would take her in a split second but she wasn’t his child. He told my mom he would see her in court and then I heard all kinds of screaming and yelling and mom hitting my dad and my dad pushing her off telling me to run and get into the van.
He took me back home to his house and I went to my room and just sat there not knowing what was going on and I was too young to know anything and then tears flooded my eyes because I was so confused and scared. I went to my dad’s room to hear him tell someone that my mom tried selling me for crack/cocaine and that she was making the sale. He also told that person that he has taken care of me since birth because my mom wouldn’t tend to me and said she hated me since birth.
I was thinking to myself, am I a bad kid? Am I not pretty enough for her? Am I not good enough? I went straight into my dad’s room asking him what had happened and what was going on for him to come to get me like that. He teared up and said that I was too young to know and that he would tell me when I get older and I just put my head down. A few days passed by and my dad asked my oldest brother to watch me while he worked and it was going to be a night shift so I needed to be in bed by 8. When 8:00 rolled around, I went to bed and slept like a baby.
I’m not sure what time it was but I woke up to my oldest brother playing with me and I mean my vagina. My panties were laying beside me and he would rub my clit then stick his finger in and start moving it back and forth slowly and then he would stick his head in between my legs and lick me. I closed my eyes and hoped it was a dream. I opened my eyes and said it wasn’t. There was a knock on the door and my brother got up and answered the door. I thought please come in and save me but the door then closed and he walked around the bed and made his way back to me and said do you want me to stop and I said yes faster than he could finish the sentence.
So he put my panties back on me and walked out of the bedroom and then I rolled over and cried myself to sleep. That was the very last time he had ever touched me. Months went by and I still had the scar. Thought flooded my mind as to why this had happened and began to be skittish around anyone that I was around and still not able to tell anyone.
The rape/sexual assault had slowed down and back to having issues with my mom. I still tried staying with her off and on and the times I did stay with her my sister and I would watch her smoke marijuana and other drugs and drink alcohol. This went on for about 2-3 years and still, nothing changed except she didn’t do the hardcore drugs, she just smoked marijuana and off and drank. A few years later I was then 13 years old when my life changed when I walked in on my dad and my best friend having sex, they saw me and instantly stopped and got dressed. 4
I ran outside to sit on the porch, my face filled with nothing but tears, and couldn’t get the image out of my head. What to do was once again nothing, I felt so ashamed, disappointed, and at the time extremely angry! Well weeks down the road cops ended up at my dad’s questioning me, my dad, and my so-called best friend. She told the cops that my dad threw himself on her which I find that hard to believe but that was her side, my dad’s side was that she took her clothes off and spread her legs, and told him to take her. Either way, my dad should’ve known better regardless and I asked him why he would do that and all he could say was he didn’t know! Anyways it was my turn to be questioned and I just went blank staring off into space knowing good and well I should have said something but the only thing I could say was I don’t know what went on and how I was asleep which at the time I was until I got woken up from the sound of the bed. A couple more weeks went by and my dad was arrested and charged for rape with a minor and I had the choice to either stay with my grandma in Madisonville or stay with my mom in Browder.
I thought to myself, this is my chance to get to be with my mom so I chose to live with my mom, my sister, and my mom’s new husband. From that moment on for 3 years, my sister and I were mentally abused and sexually assaulted by her husband. he would grab our ass and fondle our breasts and make sexual remarks like “he would love to be young again” so he could have sex with us and he would love to see our breasts and so on.
My mom stayed there and watched it one day and she turned to her like nothing was happening and right then I jumped up saying, mom, you just saw and heard what he did and said. Aren’t you going to say or do anything? She turned her back to the computer that she had been on for hours talking to other men and didn’t say a word. She straight-up ignored what he did and what was said. We both stormed off into our bedroom and started staying for weeks on end. My mom rushed into our bedroom saying how my half-brother was going to move in so then my sister and I had to share a room that I was ok with so that she would feel safe and I could keep an eye on her.
Then mom’s husband started bullying my brother because he told my mom and stepdad that he didn’t want to hear them arguing, which they argue nearly every day and over something stupid like why didn’t you serve me a plate of food first or why didn’t you ask me to come help you wash your back. Like I said dumb shit. After my brother said that my mom tried stepping in between the both of them and my stepdad just smacked her and threw her across my brother’s bed.
My brother ran into mine and my sister’s room and I jumped up and guarded the door and told step dad that he wasn’t going anywhere near my brother. He then took his finger and put it in my face and said, move nigger or I’m going to take you out. I then said, NO! I’m not scared of you and you can say and do what you want but I promise you that if you touch me, my sister or my brother I will literally kill you in your sleep. He then backed up away from the door and told my brother that he’s got one coming. About 2 weeks after that my brother moved back in with my grandma just to get away from him and the drama.
There me and my sister were trapped once again. Well about 3 years rolled on by and it was my birthday and I was 16 and my sister was 13, she asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I said, I want a car and I want it to be candy apple red. She said is that all? I said yes and she said ok I’ll see what I can do. It was off to school I went and a couple of my friends wanted to come home with me and celebrate my birthday and I Was so excited that I was going to get that car but when I got home there was no car so I thought that maybe it would be there later or we had to get it or whatever but when I got there she had a birthday cake with a candy apple red convertible car sitting in top of the cake. I said where’s the car and she said it’s right here, it’s on the cake and then said, well you didn’t tell us how big you wanted the car.
I felt like a dumb ass because my friends were there and everyone was laughing out of the humor of it but deep inside I was hurt. A couple of weeks after my birthday I was asked to prom by one of my guy friends and of course, I said yes. So excited I got off the bus and ran all the way home and when I finally reached the house I walked in and said, Mom I was asked to prom and I’m so excited. It was one of the happiest times of my life because I always wanted to go to prom ever since I was little.
Well she said, can your sister go? I said no mom she’s in middle school she then said, well if she can’t go neither can you. I said mom are you freaking serious and said yeah that she was serious and that was the end of the discussion. So there I am again crying and wondering why she’s doing me this way and then my younger days started coming back to me to where she said she hated me and couldn’t stand me and all that shit.
So I go to school the next day sad and emotional and telling my friend that he’d have to find someone else to go to prom with because my mom told me I couldn’t go. He said really why?! She said if my sister couldn’t go then I couldn’t go and he said wait isn’t she in middle school? I said yes she is and he said that’s fucked up and I said it is really but I gotta go I’ll see you around. As I went to turn my eyes filled with tears as I made my way to class. After that, everything was fine for 2 years and my birthday rolled around again and I was 18.
I got word that my dad was out of prison and lived 10 mins away from where my mom lived and that made my day. They gave me his number and I called him asking how he was doing and if I could come live with him again, he instantly said yes and I was more than delighted. I hung up the phone and told mom that I was moving out and moving back in with my dad. She got pissed off and mad and started cussing me out and calling me every name but my name. I didn’t care at the time because I was out of her house and back where I wanted to be.
Once I got the last of my stuff out I gave my sister a hug and told her that if for any reason she needed me to call me or stop by and that I’ll be right up the road. She said ok I will. A few months down the road my dad yelled for me and asked me to sit down so that he could talk to me about something important. So I made my way to the living room and sat down on the couch.
He was looking down at the floor like something was really bothering him and I said, dad what’s wrong? He said Kitta I need some help with the bills because we are about to lose our home or be without power and if I pay the rent we won’t have power and if I pay the power bill we won’t have money for rent and will be out on the street. I said there’s only a month of school left. Can you give me the rest of the month to finish my sophomore year and I’ll get a job and start helping out. He said Kitta I can’t ask you to drop out of school just to help me and I told him that I’d go get my GED later And he said, “Are you sure and I nodded my head saying yes. A month went by and I signed myself out of school for good and got a job with my dad. We did pretty good for about a year and a half and my dad got himself a girlfriend and they were hitting it off real good and she talked him into moving out of Muhlenberg and moving to Indiana.
So I had to end up finding my own place so I ended up moving to Auburn about 15 mins away from where we worked. My dad said it would be a couple of months before he left the state. Well, a family member who is also a police officer where we worked told dad that he would stop by and check on me from time to time to make sure everything was ok. My dad said it was ok and said it was ok as well.
I had turned 19 and Cecil, a family member/police officer, stopped by and asked to come in and all that. He then asked me if I had lotion and I said yeah why. He said his hands were feeling rough and needed some. I go to get up and get the lotion and hand it to him. He says, “You are very nice tonight for someone who’s going to bed. I suddenly got a weird vibe and said well I’m waiting on my boyfriend to get off work and he’s going to stop by afterward. He said how long will that be, I said about 30 mins to an hour. He said oh ok. well he said “can I rub some lotion on your back” and said “no I’m good.”
He then grabbed me and started running me down in lotion and I tried pulling away and he holds on to me and I said let go. He leans in trying to kiss me and I try pulling away but he was so strong and he then crawled on top of me saying no I’m not going anywhere. I then started crying saying get off of me and the more I said stop it tried pulling away, the more he kept going and going.
He took his right hand and placed it over my throat and took his left hand forcing himself down my shorts and panties. I suddenly grabbed his left wrist pulling him away from my vagina. He then took his right hand and started squeezing my neck thinking I would let go but I was fighting it and the more he squeezed the more I would pull his left wrist. He squeezed my neck so hard that I started gasping for air until I had no choice but to let go. No sooner had I let go, he took his left hand penetrating me and he did it a couple of times and then unbuttoned his pants and pulled them down using only his left hand while using his right hand choking me. I started to kick my legs to move him off of me and suddenly he loosened his grip and I was able to get enough air flow to gasp and say that I would scream if he didn’t stop and get off of me. he tightened his grip once more and grabbed his dick and forced himself inside me shoving and forcing his dick inside as hard as he could and still choking me and then he started moving his hips back and forth with hard fast thrust and continues for what seemed a very long time. H finally releases my throat and I feel him remove his dick and I instantly looked down to see him stroking his dick to ejaculate all over my bed. he then gets up pulls his pants up and I instantly raise up and crawl to the foot of the bed as fast as I could to grab the nightstick my dad had given me, I reached the nightstick and raised it in the air like a baseball bat and before I could swing he turns around and says don’t you try it, what you going to do with that besides make me mad. He snatches out of my hands throws it across the room saying that he hopes the next guy I get with kills me and I started screaming for help hoping my neighbors would hear considering I lived in an apartment, and for him to get out! Hey then turns around and walks out slamming the door behind him. I ran to the door, locking it and moving the big chair in front of the door. Still crying, I look out the window and see his tail lights leaving my driveway and out of sight. I instantly call my dad crying hysterically, my dad’s girlfriend answers and says ?Kitta what’s wrong?” I scream out where’s dad? she says hang on, screams out my dad’s name as loud as she could saying drop what you’re doing right now, it’s Kitta and she’s crying something’s wrong. hearing his footsteps run across the floor thru the phone, he says “Kitta what’s the matter?? I said Cecil raped me just now!!! Dad, help me!!! He said are you at home and I said yes!!! He said “I’m getting my keys I and I’m on my way, don’t let anyone in unless it’s me!” I said “ok dad plz hurry I’m scared!” he says “Kitta I’m coming just sit tight!”
We hung up and I started crying even more and longer sitting on the floor of the kitchen. My dad lived 2 hours away but he got there within an hour. He had my 14 year old nephew who is built like a football player with him and of course his girlfriend. He knocks on the door and I look out the blinds to see my dad and the rest standing there. I opened up the door and he said “where did it happen and what else did he do?” and how it started so I told him. He then says look at your neck! Tears still flowing down my face saying that’s where he choked me!
My dad said let’s go and I said I gotta get dressed and Instantly saying no because my clothes were evidence. My dad locked up the apartment speeding like crazy to the hospital. When we arrived at the hospital, we rushed in and my dad whispered to the receptionist about the reason we were there. They wave us on back into a room where I could not be seen by anyone and they started a rape kit on me. After they finished, a police officer stepped in for questioning and I spilled it. They told me it would take probably about a week or two before the investigation went underway. Well, I got a call from the attorney’s office saying how they found evidence and how he was questioned and if I wanted to take this case to trial and I said I don’t care what I have to do I want to see him rot in hell! As the weeks fly by they tell me that if I went I took it further by going to trial that I would lose. And I said how would I lose especially if they found evidence. They said it was because I let him come into my home, I had opened the door for him and in my PJs. I said he is family!!! How did I know what was going to happen!!!!
So I said fuck it and took the verdict to where he got slapped with a misdemeanor and got to walk away a free man. I was completely devastated but things got a lot better a few months down the road when I moved to Indiana with my dad. Everything was going smoothly when in December my dad’s girlfriend started acting crazy and we ended up into a fistfight and of course I had to move back to Muhlenberg which is 4 and half hours away. Well I ended up moving in with my grandma and from there my mom still didn’t want to have anything to do with me so I stayed away from her but she only called me when she wanted something.
As time went on it rolled around to my birthday and I was 19, running around sleeping with guys, trying to find a job and my own home. One day I saw this guy that I’ve had a crush on for nearly 6-7 years, I ended up saying hi to him and we talked for a bit before we parted ways. He came to my grandma’s to see me after talking to him a few days prior to, and we ended up getting in a relationship. We were dating a whole month before we even had sex but the bad thing was I was going elsewhere to get sex. That moment came to where we ended up having sex for the first time and it was amazing. Things started getting rocky when I found out he was smoking dope and doing crack. He started treating me like shit and still yet I continued to be with him and ended marrying him 3 years later. Things still weren’t great and I ended up pregnant by him with a beautiful baby boy. Things still were bad and four years later we ended up with our baby girl. Things got even worse after she was born to the point where I couldn’t take it anymore. He was extremely controlling, I wasn’t allowed to have friends or go anywhere or do anything and he was verbally abused us every single day. Altogether we were together for 12 years just for it all to go completely downhill. Granted we had split up but the worst thing was February 2019 my whole life changed because he asked me for a divorce on Valentine’s day and the very next day he told me that he was getting into a relationship with my baby sister and they’ve been talking for some time now. I felt my heart literally sink into my chest and my soul felt like it completely shattered into a million pieces. I had literally completely lost my mind! I had a nervous breakdown and ended up hanging out with people that I normally wouldn’t even consider hanging around.
I was hanging around people that were on meth and who were convicts and all of that. In July 2019 I got into a relationship with a needle junkie that ended up sexually assaulting my four year old daughter. He ended up in jail because he got on a good high and ended up burning his dad’s stuff down and tried to take me down with him.
They found him and charged him with 3rd-degree arson and gave him 7 years which so happened that he will be getting out in September of 2021. We are no longer together of course but I started to turn him in but instead, there’s a large group of people that’s going to break his fingers for touching my little girl. Also in July 2019 I ended up in jail twice, the only two times I’ve ever been to jail in my entire life. me and the husband had gotten into it and he threw me on the ground so I got up and threw a couple of bricks, one at his face which missed and the other at his precious Mazda 3. He called the cops on me after I backed into his car with my van and took off and went home.
The officer showed up and questioned me and when I tried to explain he told me that if I didn’t calm down that he would arrest me and he told me this twice so after the second time I turned around and put my hands behind my back and said, boom bitch arrest me, I’ll be out tomorrow. He then cuffed me and tried jerking on my arm so I jerked back saying, you can treat me with respect and ask me to walk and not treat me like a fucking rag doll. He then said, you keep on and I’ll wrestle you to the ground and I said well let’s go. He said, you know what I’m tired of this, get in the car.
I was charged with disorderly conduct and was out the next day and the same with the husband because he had thrown me on the ground so he was charged with 4th degree assault. He had called me not long after I got out asking me for money for his books and to pick him up. So I went up there to get him to find that a female had picked him up 5 mins before I got there and I instantly knew who it was. I went to his house to find he wasn’t there and was talking to his brother’s girlfriend and then heard a car and it was my sister driving and he was in the back seat.
I got in my van and took off after them hitting them in the rear end telling them to pull over. she says no and that she’s going to the cops and I said for her to go ahead.
Instead she pulls up to the fire dept and she was waiting for me to drive buy but I pulled up beside her and grabbed her by the hair of the head through the car window trying with everything in me to pull her through the window but the window wasn’t down enough so I began swinging until an ambulance driver came underneath me telling me to stop so I did and I threw my hands up. He walked over to talk to her and I noticed that she was putting the window a little more just to hear the ambulance driver talk. I took off running and grabbed her again and he pushed me off telling me to stop and to back off so I said, fine. He instantly called the cops to the fire dept and there were three of them. Guternman, my sister went to school with, walks over to me saying Kitta why on earth are you attacking your sister youl were so close. I said that whore fucked my husband.
He Instantly turned around and said, oh and that’s the one that’s in the back. Yes sir, I said. He then walks over to talk to my sister and talks to her while Lindsey walks over my way to question me with his face as red as can be telling me just how crazy I am while laughing. I then ask him if I was going to jail and he says no. I said why not, he says we’ll in the state of Kentucky by law it’s considered a family dispute and you can’t go to jail unless she presses charges or an officer actually sees me assault her. so I smiled, got into my van and left. She pressed charges and I spent another night in jail and got out the next day.
In 2020 me and my now ex-husband got divorced and I am still hanging around those kinds of people and ended up on meth. I never thought in a million years that I would be on meth but I was but I wasn’t on it that bad. I could control it instead of letting it control me! After all of that August of 2020 I ended up in CSU which is a behavioral center because I cut myself. I was a cutter since I was 19 but it began to be the biggest issue because I would do it every day. I did it because of all the pain I was going through and it helped take the pain away.
Both of my legs are so badly scared that you would literally cringe just looking at them. September 2020 my mom and I got into a physical altercation over her mistreating my kids and cops were called and I was no longer allowed there. after two weeks I kept cutting and this time I had went as far as cutting my arms and wrist. My ex husband and I had gotten into it pretty bad and also in front of my kids. My mind telling me to jerk the steering wheel but I didn’t I chose to jump out of the car as it was going down the road. He instantly stopped and I walked up to the car and when I get to the car, I look at my son, and the look of fear and being scared to death is what changed my mind but I ended up back at CSU and longer than the first time I was there. I had plenty of time to think and to be off meth so I decided not to do that anymore for the sake of my kids because I’m literally all they have. Well, I’m currently in a relationship with a wonderful man and engaged. We are to be married next April of 2022 and I am currently on ten months sober and living life to the fullest. The main thing is even after all that’s happens in my life and isn’t near everything just the main highlights is I not EVER lost my faith in God even when I felt like I was losing my faith but he still brought me through and if me of all people can make it through all of this, you can too. ALWAYS KEEP THE FAITH!!!