I had a sheltered and pretty rough childhood growing up. My mom dropped me off at my dad’s when I was five. My dad was an alcoholic that worked twelve to sixteen hours a day in a nursing home. I spent a lot of time at a babysitter’s house when he wasn’t working and he was sleeping and on his days off he was usually drinking. I know I was young but yet starved for attention but there were a few times he got drunk to the point that I would make him mad to where he would pick me up by my neck and throw me through a drywall wall in the living room of the house. He sometimes either hit me with his hand, belt, or a hickory switch.
When I was in the third grade I was placed in a class for behavior and I had trouble learning and was also put in a behavioral learning class. I’m not sure how old I was but I attempted to run away but didn’t get far before getting picked up and taken back home. That just made things worse. The mental, physical and emotional abuse went on up to the sixth grade.
Going into the 8th grade the only true friend I had hadn’t showed up for school one morning I knew something was wrong. He lived with his grandma and their apartment was on the other side of a major interstate. There was a creek that ran under the interstate. We had got quite a bit of rain prior to this so the creek was impassable. The only other way to his place was to go across the interstate. There were two lanes going east and two lanes going west. I started across the eastbound lanes I had almost made when I was struck by a car traveling at speeds over sixty miles an hour. I flew up in the air and landed in the median. The driver of the vehicle never stopped. I got up and started to walk away and there were people there keeping me from leaving. A couple of seconds went by when an ambulance showed up. I was taken to a local hospital where they did x-rays and CAT scans. I only suffered a hairline fracture in the calf of my right leg. I was put in a leg brace and was on crutches for six weeks.
By the time I was a freshman in high school, I was put into regular classes. The class I was in was much further behind than the regular classes I barely made it through that year. It wasn’t until the 10th grade when things really started to get overwhelming to the point I dropped out two months into the 10th grade. A year had gone by when I then went through an academy to get my high school diploma.
When I was around sixteen I would sneak beer from my dad’s cooler.
I then went to work in a nursing home. I wasn’t old enough to be a CNA so I worked in the kitchen. When I turned eighteen I started taking classes to be a CNA at this point I was introduced to marijuana. I got my license to be a CNA and continued working in nursing. At that time one of my goals was to go back to school to be an RN but I never made it due to smoking pot and then started drinking. I did that for the next ten years.
When I turned twenty one I received my first DWI. Later on, I was caught multiple times driving while revoked and got three more DWI’s. In 2011 I spent six months in county jail and lost my license for five years. In 2012 I was introduced to opiates. At one point I had taken some Xanax, Vicodin and drank some alcohol. I then got behind the wheel of a vehicle. I was involved in an accident. Because of the pills along with the alcohol I ended up in ICU in a coma and on a ventilator. I’m grateful no one else was involved.
So from 2012 to 2015, I was in and out of multiple stress centers for suicide attempts. In 2015 things started getting better. I was in what I thought was a happy relationship. In 2017 the relationship started getting toxic. It wasn’t until then when things really started spiraling out of control. In 2018 is when my active addiction took a turn for the worst. I was arrested for unlawful use of drug paraphernalia. I was put on seven years probation in the first year and a half I caught four felony drug charges. I was facing seven to ten years but the public defender got the courts to give me a 120 drug treatment in prison so from February 2020 to June 2020 I was in prison. When I realized I was given five years probation with a ten-year backup and one of the conditions of my probation was to complete drug court but because of covid my probation officer never said anything to me about drug court.
About a week after I was released I was back out using again. I was never told about drug court until I moved to a different town which was in a different county as well. That’s when I was told about drug court. Which to me was a blessing because had I started drug court when I got out I probably would have ended up back in prison but only doing my backup of ten years and if I was to of did eighty percent of that would’ve been eight years. So May 2021 I was placed in drug court which is for eighteen months. I continued to keep using. I was ordered to do a random drug test twice a week. My drug tests were coming up positive. I kept telling the drug court tracker that the medications I take daily were causing false positives. They then started sending my drug tests to a lab to be tested. That’s when they found out that I have still been doing meth so because of that I received a jail sanction for two days. I thought ok no biggie I got this or so I thought I did. I did the two days in jail just to go back out and started using again and kept having positive drug tests. A couple of weeks went by when I received another jail sanction this time it was for twenty-one days from June 7th, 2021 to June 28th, 2021. It wasn’t until then when I swallowed my pride and accepted the fact that I needed help and couldn’t do this on my own.
While I was in jail I contacted my family to tell them that when I get home I’m getting rid of all the paraphernalia that I had in the house. So upon getting out of jail I did just what I promised to do. I buried everything I had at the house or so I thought I did. A couple of days had gone by and I found a baggie of Meth in my dresser I overlooked so knowing what the outcome would be I decided to do it. I went to court on July 12 2021 the judge was not happy with me he was going to put me back in jail but had a change of heart and told me he was going to give me one week to get myself on the right track. On July 13 2021 was my first clean drug test and the start of this journey. I have since then got a sponsor who has some years of clean time. I attend NA meetings three to four times a week. I have attended other activities for NA.
While I was in a meeting at night the meeting was a candlelight meeting on a Friday night after the meeting we were all outside and were looking for a ride home this guy that was there just so happened to be going to the town I lived in. While on the way home this guy asked me if I went to church and of course I wasn’t going to one but had been looking for one to start going to he then invited me to his church that coming Sunday morning and said he would even come to pick me up. I was attending church on Wednesdays for mid-week bible study and on Sunday mornings for bible school followed by Sunday worship. Two weeks went by when I then surrendered myself to my higher power, Jesus Christ. The next Sunday I was then baptized. They also had vacation bible school which I volunteered to help out with. I had the most amazing time that I have had in a very long time. It went from Monday to Friday. Wednesday that week while at Vacation Bible School I landed a job working at a construction company. I have close to thirty hours of community service work and two nine-hour days with the new job.
I’m now an independent contractor. The last job I have where they took taxes out was in 2008. While I have been on SSI I have managed to make ends meet from month to month with close to nine hundred a month now I’m making close to five hundred a week. My boss is working with me on the days I need off to see my PO and court. On August 13th, 2021 I hit 30 days clean. I have so far accomplished two goals one was to stay clean and sober and two was to get a job. I know in my heart that my higher power has helped me overcome my recent active addiction I also know that my higher power will guide me in the right direction to overcome yet another addiction I battle with that is smoking cigarettes it might not be today it might not be tomorrow but he will let me know when the time is right.
Along my journey thru my active addiction, I have spent time in the hospital with fractured ribs and punctured lungs. Since then here recently I have been getting involved with a mid-Mo addiction awareness group where I have attended two walks to help stop the overdose rate. I have been able to live life on life’s terms. I have now started to focus on getting my license back and getting my own transportation.