Shifting from shame, blame, ignoring as it’s so common with the addicted person – to loving-kindness. Holding space for our loved one will make all the difference. It’s the little things that build up over time. It really does make a difference. It may seem difficult in the storm, but if you hold on you will make a difference in your life and your loved ones’ life. Setting boundaries and learning the skills and strategies to protect yourself will allow you to open your heart more so that you can move away from shame and guilt into love and kindness. Saying the words “I understand and I hear you.” and “I believe in you.” Can sometimes make a world of difference in our loved ones lives.
This is progress and it’s not perfection. I myself slipped up last night and reverted back to some of my controlling and manipulative behaviors. My loved one was drinking last night and I have a boundary put into place that he sleeps on the couch when he drinks at night, so I can sleep in peace because deer god if I don’t it’s a horrendous night.
So any aways last night he decided he would not leave the bedroom, so I yelled, screamed, argued ( yes argued with a drunk person, I know right)… I finally got him to leave the room and I locked it, but he preceded to try and unlock the door for 30 minutes…AHHHH…. Finally got him settled in and to sleep… so moral of the story, we are not going to be perfect, our loved ones are not going to be perfect, but we do have control over how we act and react.
I chose the next day to get up, take a shower, buy myself a coffee, talk to my sponsor, reach out to those in my support group, and read some literature oh and saw my therapist…I self-cared the hell out of myself. It’s hard living with a loved one with an addiction, but there is support there is help and you are not alone. We all may be in different boats, but we are in the same storm.
I then also apologized for the part I play, and I attempt to get back on track of support and caring for myself. It is hard for me to admit that I slipped up because I don’t try to practice kindness and support towards my loved one. I also know I am human and I am not going to be perfect because living with someone with an addiction is difficult. I love and care for my loved one but it is not always easy. I see and hear all of your struggles you are not alone.
Reach out for support, because you cant do this alone.
If you need any additional support I am a behavioral health coach and I coach families on how to support their loved ones. As you can see it is not always going to be perfect or easy, but there is the possibility of peace among the storm
By Brittany Jackson